Make More Mistakes

You can rely on yourself

Over the last week or so, I’ve spent ages making a variety of decisions and then, on reflection, chastising myself for doing the wrong things. In each case, I knew beforehand what the right action was, but I did the wrong thing because something about it appealed to me.

For example, in one case it was spending time and money in the pub instead of working with my study buddy; another time I had a lie-in, even when I wasn’t really tired, instead of getting up early to work; yet another time I made a detour to a cookie shop instead of getting on with my work. (Yes, there is a definite pattern here, even though I’m sure my MA programme is the right thing for me to do it, still I need inspiration and motivation to be in the mood to study and work).

It’s okay because "You can always choose again"

In addition, focusing on what I want to experience at any given time reveals that going to the pub was the ‘right’ decision, because it enabled me to meet the partner of one of my friends. Starting work later meant I guilt-tripped myself in to working really hard over the weekend and getting cookies means I have incentives to ensure I really do work hard.

Only I know what I need. Only I know what I want to experience at each juncture. Only I can make myself happy.

In the end, I’m the only one who can write my essays, so I just need to get on with it. It’s about pulling myself up by my own bootstraps and yes, it is possible; especially because "When you really love what you do, you don’t mind working hard."

I’m (slowly) falling in love with essay-writing again. (Hooray!)

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